5 bollywood Movies which made me jab my fingers in my eye!!

Being late nineties kid and early 2000, I was extremely lucky to witness the slow transformation of Films from both Bollywood and Hollywood, crossing boundaries and showing cultures.

Late 2000 was an age in India where songs involved less weirdos complimenting the hero and heroine in dance sequences and less colors on the shirt than the National flag.

Indian flicks slowly realized that audiences were turning more practical, especially after the newfound pride of just watching "Titanic" a film which steamrolled the popularity charts in India.

It was time when movie titles with No.1 in the end had been isolated to the dumps.(biwi no.1 coolie no.1 etc etc).

Movies of this intermediate span were a part of the  "what the fish" generation which most of us would love to forget.

Bollywood was officially being remade, with trendy guest appearances, a compulsory third actress who either dies, or betrays the hero before the interval.

Gone are the days when there was an element of substance in terms of acting and justifying the script.

Today any Tom Dick and Harry can predict that a movie's stint at the theater is directly proportional to the amount of time they show the girls in 2 pieces. Since most of the shots will involve the women, gyrating to the latest remix, the audience will love her!

How ever there are movies which I would rather forget, as they not only marred the entire concept of film making, but also punished me for even considering to think straight.

Yaadein  

This was a traumatizing attempt to mass murder the audience by Subhash Ghai. Yaadein was a pathetic attempt display the spunk of a douche bag of a dad, played by Jackie Shroff to bring up his three stupidly stupid daughters, who crap dust in his eyes by screwing up their lives in their own respective fashion. Being a widower, he has no other option but to portray a sense of helpless emotions so poorly captured. My watchman, would have done a better job!!!

Hrithik meanwhile, pretends to hide his desperate need of a hit, by playing a wanna be stud son of a tycoon, who is lost in trying to hide his real interest in getting laid with Kareena, who is still rediscovering her sexual orientation and hiding it by saying that she does not "believe" in love!!*COUGH bullshit*!!!

Kabhie Alvida Na Kehna

Honestly  the next movie in line was Main Prem Ki diwaani hoon. I chose to screw KANK instead because 2 Hrithik Kareena movies in a row, would give me a headache to finish this blog.

Yea, so KANK was this Karan Johar(the most manly director in bollywood) film, which looked more like and American tourism documentary. During the initial release and promotional hype, it betrayed me by promising an orgy between the four stars.

Amitabh Bachchan plays a convincing role of a sex maniac, who takes home every blondie he sees and even has the balls to give a marital advice to his son Small B, who has been sucking both on and off screen.

However, the film proved to be a marvelous tool of emotional abuse, with poor screenplay and exceptionally pathetic story line which made me tear my theater seats and eat the sponge in it.

It was Karan Johar's brave suicidal attempt to shoo away the remaining one or two fans of Kuch Kuch Hota Hain. 

TASHAN


I wouldn't call this a movie. The director Vijay Ganesh Acharya needed a reason to make Kareena walk around in a yellow piece. The story line was the perfect excuse to get her gyrating to a song which actually made no sense.

Needless to say, this movie ruined my life. I lost my friends who disowned me for taking them for this film to watch in 70mm. Tashan was a huge endorsement of stupidity, and this blog is probably the last time ill mention its name
I would rather drink camel pee than, even consider watching this film again, which is about desperate honchos trying to grab money.
The song "dance maare" depicted how desperate these actors could get in the sets of a make believe gay parade in the midst of nowhere. Most of the money made on this movie banked on the hype created about its awesomeness, which got flushed in the toilet of lameness of dialogues and heavy duty gay skater costumes. I ran out of the theater for my life, before shedding the tears boredom.
It has scarred me for life.

TERE NAAM
Remember the age old fight of paper beating rocks in the game stone paper scissors?
If Tere Naam can beat and batter the entire crap out of cine lovers  then, hell yes paper can beat rocks!!!

BITCH PLEASE!!

It is an epitome of many warning signs.

• Not every woman with gigantic fat lips is an Angelina Joolie.
• Salman Khan's scalp is not something which we all love to see.
• It is a disgust to watch men rub peacock feather on their saggy man boobs.
• Mental asylums where humans are caged as animals, turn on the girls love quotient.
• Raadhe Bhaiyya is a character who has a "thang" for Bhoomika Chawla in a college where Mahima Chaudhary is totally single and available and dancing.

Main Prem Ki Diwaani Hoon
This is the ultimate disaster in the history of bollywood. There are families who are ready to let their kids watch porn over watching a movie like this where a desperate mom tries to shoo her daughter towards affluent where COINCIDENTALLY both the boss and the "naukar clerk" are called conveniently called Prem.
Despite the utter chaos in the initial stage where Sanjana is literally thrown to Hrithik's arms, the douchebag dude, fails to realize that she was meant for his boss!!

I CANT BELIEVE I ACTED OUT THIS CRAP SCRIPT!!

Kareena is consistent with her over action throughout the film and shows no sense of embarrassment in any of the crappy dialogues she has to deliver.
Abhishek Bachchan plays his part as a lost cause loser, who justifies no purpose of his existence despite all the money he supposedly has.
When I made a fool out of myself in my childhood pics, I realized there could be worse things in life.

We cant get more cheesy than this!!

In a small place like Sundernagar, where Kareena's parents are apparently poverty struck, they manage to have a well furnished duplex individual house with wooden masts and a huge garden to have breakfast, a farmhouse which is equally majestic with an indoor pool, a convertible!!
Hrithik miraculously manages to ride horses and underwater dive, bungee jump in a chota shehar as described by Pankaj Kapoor.
This is a bogus attempt to commercialize the stupidity of three actors who are insulting the legacy their parents left behind.
Kareena with her loudness, Hrithik with his accent and Abhishek Bachchan with his existence!!!



There are countless other scripts and movies which have pissed me off and mangled the Indian Cinema beyond recognition, but I think these movies are enough for now....

Highlighted them as its high time we learn to more sensible Cinema which makes us laugh, cry and gives us something to carry home and think about.
We do not care for desperate attempts like RAM GOPAL VARMA KI AAG!! CRAP I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT EARLER, BUT I AM TOO lazy to write about this topic. I get bored easily.
Adios.